I once had a dream too

You see me collecting all sort of empty containers plastic bottles, beer bottles ,beer cans, soft drinks and all.
Sometimes I go to peoples houses to collect them, which can be quite embarrassing for an old woman like me. I once had a dream too

I see how you look at me, not even willing to look twice in my direction, I am not worth a second of your previous time. You are not interested to know how i am doing today, did I have anything to eat, where do I stay? You just want me out of your face the soonest.

As a little girl, I once had a dream too. I saw myself getting my education, meeting my knight in the shining armor and getting married, owning a house, children, and being happy like most people.
I may have made wrong choices as a young girl. I came to a stage where I knew it all, I knew how to fool my parent in every special way just to satisfy the selfish me. I got involved in toxic friendships, sex and alcohol abuse.
Funny how we always think it gonna be somebody else, not me.
Unfortunately amongst my friends I was the one who got hooked, pregnant, ran away from home, stayed from place to place, half the time had to pay my way through sex.

I saw myself as too old to go back to school, beside the three children with different fathers, I could not keep a relationship or a job. I always saw myself as better than any of my partners, forgetting that time was passing me by. It was more like I was doing them a favour when dating them. I never saw any fault in me, never kept my mouth quiet and that got me a lot of beatings, hence all these scars on my face and body.

Now I'm + - 50 years of age, if the youth is so challenged with employment, what about me? My children are following on my footsteps as this is the only life they know, a life of shouting, swearing, calling each other names, father after father situation, always on the run from abusive drunk partners who sometime have tried sleeping with my girls. Now the girls, also like me have chosen their way, I only see them when they have blue eyes or broken arm from their boy friends. As soon as the heal and get better, they go back to them.

I gave my life away thinking I was beautiful, happening or something to die for. I did not treat life the way I wanted it to treat me back. I never took anybodies advice, most of the time I would act like I was listening when I knew in my heart that I was going to do my own thing, contrary to the advise of my parents. I have been stabbed, beaten and left to die but God said no with my life.

Today I collect cans and bottles for a living, I have accepted the outcome of the life that I chose 35 years ago. Today I see these young girls who think they are happening, they remind me of myself as a teen/ young adult, I can tell who is going to make it in their group and who is going end up as a statistic like me. They see me as well, they give me some of their empty alcohol cans, I say"thank you" and they say with an attitude" no sweat mama, come later there will be more"

I would like to come and help out, but I am not trained to speak to this generation of celebrity icons and social media. They absolutly think I was born like this. I was more beautiful than many of them. I so wish I can have an audience with them and warn them about the freeway they are taking, it has toll gates throughout, where you pay different prices and who ever pays for you, owns you. I once had a dream too, but it's not where I am today.
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